What is that noise I hear
coming from the bedroom?

WTF are you doing
sitting on my bed?

I’m testing your mattress
to see how sturdy it is.

I can tell you have a memory
foam pad, and I can feel beneath

is an ancient mattress.
No wonder your hips hurt.

Shut up! Get off my bed!
How did you get in here?

Same way
I always do.

Reminds me—my father
ate tomatoes right off

the vine like apples. He would say:
They’re fruit after all.

What does that have to do with me?

He also said: Don’t break
into people’s homes.

Who are you calling?

Who do you think?

The police?

Nah, I’m texting Nectar.