let’s fly with it / mess with
the messenger’s snow lips
time I took a shovel to him
and I in my quilted guilt / want

to keep talking
about the swan / the one
your brother knew
her cygnets floating beneath

the spot
in the sky
where he ceased / fear
and altitude and claustrophobia

and the thrill of recognition
the skyline always appears
from the side I don’t expect
and then the walk with purpose

awakens in me
ice melts / freezes / melts
repeat / here we go again
small / smaller / smallest

fish in the pond
the city in my heart

I am somewhere
in the West Village / 1985
wishing I could wrap
the red scarf around my head

into a hip babushka
that actor with long dirty
blonde hair wears
greatcoat collar turned up

black lace-up boots
vintage pink floral dress hem
visible beneath / fishnet tights
tying it all together

another arthouse film
unreeled / anonymous
our CT educations tucked
inside ripped pockets

just in case
the wind picks up
outside the White Horse Tavern
some of us still wish

we could meet for real
drinks upstairs inside
Old Town Bar / argue
about those damn Hinsdale urinals

some of us slowly
move on / once again I steal
a chance to remind strangers
I am the story

tucked inside facing pages
of a band bio
that stuck together
during the printing process

I am the stitch dropped
from a perfect binding
I will never be ragged
right / look at me

hard enough
I will spill
onto the hardwood floor
I have always insisted on

when carpet or concrete
might have contained
the sound of loss
more completely

so much has shifted
in flight
she would not recognize us
she would still build hotels

on Park Place
loan me money
to pay the rent
when I land on it

Brom & Nina
native New Yorkers
moved to London
divorced / I never saw them again

Brom died in South America
I wonder about Nina
some people don’t want
to be found

rectangular glass
embedded in cement gives
riders below a chance
to consider something besides this

crumbling / draining
rock / don’t forget
and so I do
forget to look

for the Mandarin duck
in the Central Park pond
or in the Hudson
near the 79th Street Boat Basin

I shrug my shoulders
tighten muscles to will away
Minnesota January air
that whips around Manhattan

did I bring this
with me / this guilt
like a thief nowhere near
close to giving up

the plane home
always lands
so smoothly
even in night snow

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