no turning back
I clear my throat

to drown rumors of no Lefthand Run
Creek on this map

in February the robots don’t need
as much room to dance

not if / when
I wait for the Mississippi

to reply / do the math
1 billion gallons in my belly

71% blanketing the Earth’s skin
you and you / 60% river

and me and vast oceans
of relative blood memory

decommissioned in 1993
I am laughing

as geese and herons
and ruddy ducks tickle

my murmuring meniscus
limned at the edge

of civil twilight
when it’s time to go

to the cold room
I will be ready

salt brushed off / fountain turned on
chain-link cloak long gone

hands spoken for
by the owl

in its winter diorama
everything cardboard

touched by moonlight
what can be seen inside

the hollow of a wolf tree
remains a secret / next / I scream

there is more
than one cure

let’s fly with it / mess with
the messenger’s snow lips
time I took a shovel to him
and I in my quilted guilt / want

to keep talking
about the swan / the one
your brother knew
her cygnets floating beneath

the spot
in the sky
where he ceased / fear
and altitude and claustrophobia

and the thrill of recognition
the skyline always appears
from the side I don’t expect
and then the walk with purpose

awakens in me
ice melts / freezes / melts
repeat / here we go again
small / smaller / smallest

fish in the pond
the city in my heart

I am somewhere
in the West Village / 1985
wishing I could wrap
the red scarf around my head

into a hip babushka
that actor with long dirty
blonde hair wears
greatcoat collar turned up

black lace-up boots
vintage pink floral dress hem
visible beneath / fishnet tights
tying it all together

another arthouse film
unreeled / anonymous
our CT educations tucked
inside ripped pockets

just in case
the wind picks up
outside the White Horse Tavern
some of us still wish

we could meet for real
drinks upstairs inside
Old Town Bar / argue
about those damn Hinsdale urinals

some of us slowly
move on / once again I steal
a chance to remind strangers
I am the story

tucked inside facing pages
of a band bio
that stuck together
during the printing process

I am the stitch dropped
from a perfect binding
I will never be ragged
right / look at me

hard enough
I will spill
onto the hardwood floor
I have always insisted on

when carpet or concrete
might have contained
the sound of loss
more completely

so much has shifted
in flight
she would not recognize us
she would still build hotels

on Park Place
loan me money
to pay the rent
when I land on it

Brom & Nina
native New Yorkers
moved to London
divorced / I never saw them again

Brom died in South America
I wonder about Nina
some people don’t want
to be found

rectangular glass
embedded in cement gives
riders below a chance
to consider something besides this

crumbling / draining
rock / don’t forget
and so I do
forget to look

for the Mandarin duck
in the Central Park pond
or in the Hudson
near the 79th Street Boat Basin

I shrug my shoulders
tighten muscles to will away
Minnesota January air
that whips around Manhattan

did I bring this
with me / this guilt
like a thief nowhere near
close to giving up

the plane home
always lands
so smoothly
even in night snow

during the widening winter white-out
she draws a blank
stare to send a stern message
to the blotter / to the blaming
beads in her parka pocket

they slip through
a rip in the fabric / pour
into the space between
down linings / free
radicals come loose

in the body covering her body
in the hem of her hope

shadows of
tall / taller
tallest buildings
linger over

\\

the park
or not
rise / retreat
my shadow

\\

fingers always
beat me
to the
last word

\\

dazzles / dangles
carved light

no names / we all dance
naturally when you turn off the lights

words arrive by candlelight
flickering their multi-colored tongues

still sits alone in a corner
wondering how

the ailing bearded dragon is
feeling this year

no one wants to play with her
as she plays hard to get

with another dictionary
words seeping through the tattered cover

in the shape of a lovely lion
or pretty penguin

warnings sound in sudden bursts
of vaporized knells

don’t let the cut and paste fool
you into believing

the results of water tested
for invasive eyes

don’t cut the pasty fool
out of your life

before you’ve tested how well
your eyes adjust to the dark

a memory won’t hold still
it will only hurt a bit

fog hides the boat
you thought was lonely

you really don’t know
anything about the port side

or how to identify tule
in the marsh

your right foot
always faces east

the poet says
she’s sorry
to the tree
for being

so needy
alive / dead
how do you
resurrect a blue

spruce after it’s been
reamed and
the evergreen
moment is gone

then wipe the black
liquor from your lips

nothing to prompt us
the first boyfriend question
still unresolved / a new year
it’s just another day

when the temperature has plummeted
as if on cue / the morning sun
converts a thick layer
of ice over everything

into diamond-studded
streets and sidewalks
velocity and momentum
get mirrored by outstretched arms

upon arrival the irony
mark makes some rumblings
other gestures with straighter lines
may come back or slide forward

as firsts to hang
our thickest parkas on
after a morning outdoor refresher
who needs a prompt

or first boyfriend clearly defined
when we can wipe our boots
on the vestibule mat
so cold and so bright outside

while she sleeps
the last newborn of the year arrives
followed by the first of the next

in her dream
two women she doesn’t recognize
give birth in her living room

the fathers wear New Year’s Eve
party hats and blow noisemakers
to cheer on everything

that might end or begin
in the next few moments / empty
bottles of champagne roll

down the street without smashing
or waking her / a cardinal sneezes
from a giant tree in the backyard

out front three young foxes
watch the miracle
through a giant picture window

even the explosion
of fireworks over the lake
doesn’t scare them off

those screams that could turn
a dream inside out
a nightmare outside in

I drive the getaway car.
I stare into the sun
during another eclipse.

Do not streak through a college cinema
during another showing of Jailhouse Rock.

I drive her to the clinic.
I stare at a man on a subway
train in the wee hours.

Do not go to the lead singer’s hotel room—
not once but twice.

I drive him into her arms.
I stare at bare ash branches outside
as they kiss by bouncing flame candlelight.

Do not write another poem about the night
that changed my life.

when snow covered yesterday’s ice,
formed as the temperature plummeted
after a steady rain turned
Wednesday’s accumulation to slush.

What a drag she loses
a boot on the frozen drive
before having a chance
to put another log on the fire

he claims he didn’t start.
Another stale family joke
she doesn’t get.
Now would be an ideal time

to hibernate in a remote town
without access
to a back road shortcut.
They could rewrite the script

without fear of crashing
another party without a host.

One chip from one cookie
left from the last batch
he made without her input.
She never reads the menu

or removes the spider web
from the storage bin
above the cellar door.
He never removes the tag

from the sleeve
of his vegetable flannel
or bothers to zip up
the hidden duffel bag

filled with pine needles
and all evidence
that might link him to her
after another January thaw.