by Tom Altenhoff
Seven years, so soon?
A veil, a lifetime ago
And now clarity.
by Tom Altenhoff
Seven years, so soon?
A veil, a lifetime ago
And now clarity.
If this moment respects
its elders, if I honor
the memory of a lover’s laugh,
silence, topography
of an old acrylic seascape painting
gently against my fingertips—
if
I could be so expansive
with what’s left inside—broken,
scarred, intact—I might begin
to understand how to drop
this word
nostalgia
on its head and see
it shake itself free
of the mockery
and disapproving stares. I could
touch it without leaving
a smudge.
awakens her to stories she wishes
she didn’t have to tell, she wishes
she could tell
apart from nightmares she rarely remembers. So afraid
of fire, she wouldn’t light a match
till the pyromania years were long
done, till the Bunsen burner’s true blue
flame was out of her life
for good. She believes there is no such thing
as friendly fire. In 1970, a spectacular one burned
the Caryl School to the ground. A stubborn, wind-whipped blaze
six town fire departments couldn’t slay. Falling slate, flying
glass, then the roof caved in. That same year,
she found floral ceramic remains
scarring a sand lot with vacancy
when she stood on the footprint of a stranger’s house
of ash a half mile up the shoreline
from her grandparents’ cottage
before the land bends
over itself toward East Chop light.
It took years for her to bury
the terror that fires are contagious,
that they will eventually reach the porch,
that they will erase
the place where she lived
more consistently than any other
till she turned 12. At 26, before she began
to smoke, she was smoked out
of another home when roofers torched
a cardinal’s nest wedged in a gutter.
Odds are most people have a fire
story to tell. These are hers. Those,
her father for one, who saw
the towers come scorching
down carry
the weight of surviving
wherever they choose
to live. She can’t help
but become impatient, wanting
to sing. And this is how she becomes her own siren—
persistent and contagious,
calling to reclaim
a loss she didn’t know
she had to lose:
My father, my city, rescue them, rescue this,
whether or not I know what it is
that is mine, this is mine.
She keeps counting without remembering
what she’s counting.
Looking at her cell phone, is it
time? Station after station, I count too.
And I get tired, but I know
I must keep going—bricks in phased crumble,
seconds waiting for a light
to change before I can walk again.
Yes, I count too,
beside her on the train
rolling away—a rhythm
for both of us in our strangeness.
The numbers will be the last
to go—my inheritance—cities, square
feet, jobs, books, CD’s, mothers, lovers, little
deaths. We are nothing
to one another but accidental
companions on the way
to an airport—I despise this
journey where I don’t get to stay
on till the end:
Pennsylvania Station, New York City.
No, I’m getting off
at Newark International to return
to snow in May. What about her? I wonder
what she’s counting on
at the other end.
Sorrow as a second language,
spoken there, taught here, she comes
to get her education, to give back
all she has. It’s yours,
if you can use it. She asks
questions no one questions—
answers upon answers erased
from the black board
so she can breathe. Some will cry,
some will laugh, some will
die in this place where she comes
to believe in a broken tongue.
Entangled in a net of no one
to blame’s making, I forget
what I said yesterday
about this pier and its hurricane
scars. About to begin
another plunge into dense
deconstructions
of choppy water. About to listen
for those dirges we prepared, buried
in this sand before I began
to follow musicians around with this
spill—I don’t forget theirs,
they come ashore with ease.
No position to be in, vertebrate
lips stick together standing
up. Does the female possess
the male, or does he just swim
upside down? That damned secretion is used
for balance. Incapable of flight—
two hundred eggs still
to be transferred. If only
propulsion ended here.
(found poem from Science Is Fiction: The Films of Jean Painlevé, edited by Andy Masaki Bellows and Marina McDougall with Brigitte Berg)
To be
multimodal
in two years is to be
a ride down can’t get there from here
derailed.
Another bundle up surprise
to dodge the moaning
bulk of one sanitation
truck in fall snow sputter
and mount is too soon, is to
become extinct not soon enough.
Song crosses a bridge
wood-cut, film is
cabin built and framed
inside a postage stamp
she would be afraid to use
unless she were to write
you a letter for
wallpapering another dead
letter office. We all live
there at some point
on the span we cross,
oblivious and blinded by the crashing
irony of an ocean
called peace.